Well. Bye bye jeep. I love you even though you blew up on 288 at night. I guess it wasn't your fault.. it was like watching them towaway my best friend..

swimming in an ocean of mixed emotions at the moment.

i don't know how many of you know this about me, but for the past 4 years i've been desperately searching facebook to see if my brother has one. i would literally search his name every 2 weeks, wishing that i would see his face. well today, i searched his name, and i found him. i finally found my brother on facebook. i have always wanted to find him... but now that i finally did. what am i supposed to do? send him a message that says. "oh hey i know we haven't talked in 9 years but i'm your sister!!" heck no. and i can't randomly add him. no no no i never expected to actually find him. what kept me going was the thrill of the chase.. but now that i've finally achieved what i was waiting for... i have no idea what to do. i learned some things about him though, obviously i had to stalk a little bit to see if he's changed. well, he has a daughter (which i knew, i just haven't met her yet.) But i learned something about him that he swore would NEVER happen. He got married in May. a whole 7 months ago, and no one had the decensy to tell my father. Allen doesn't even know yet. I'm scared to tell him. But what you all may not know about my brother is that he has been against marriage for as long as i can remmeber. he told my dad he would never get married or have children. And he did both. Another thing about him, he looks EXACTLY like my dad. Bald head and everything. I also found his wife, she's goregous. Then I thought, maybe I should message her, she looks sweet! But i can't do that either. Like if i randomly got a message from some high school girl saying that she was related to my husband, i don't know what i'd do. This is alol just too much for me right now. I'm stressing myself out for no reason i just don't know what to do. I wanna talk to my mom but she's in lynchburg with her sisters, and my dad is out of town with his band. I just wish i had never started my search for Ryan. Because now that I found him, i don't even want it anymore.

ding dong ding dong...

well winter chorus festivals and concerts are officially over. i am kind of sad because it was my best friend's last winter concert with me. :( yikes my seniors are leaving so soon it feels like.. but ANYWAY, i love my chorus family! i wish i had pictures but i'm dumb and forgot my camera.... yeaah. i have so many things to talk about but i am so sleepy.

oh hey

GCN is going well. making new friends and just relaxing, i'm enjoying every second of it. i love my elmo suit as well... theres not much really to say except for that i find the most comfort in telling my secrets to an 8th grader at the moment, haha. well love you all but we are decorating the tree tonight :)

the craziest thing...

tonight, after i brought my sweet ashley home, i stayed for 2 hours extra to hangout with jessica and to catch up on life. then at around 9ish i decided i should probably leave. and the road from their house to mine is very windy and narrow, so i always drive slow and use my brights. well as i made one of the sharp turns, i SWEAR i saw a girl walk out in front of my car. mind you, i was only going about 30 mph, so i slammed my brakes, legitimately afraid i had just hit a human being. immediately i started to panic. now this may sound dumb to you, but i got out of my car and looked around, but the girl was gone. or there was no girl at all. i am a strong believer in Jesus Christ, so I don't know my view on ghosts or spirits or whatever else, but i can guarentee this girl was not just a figment of my imagination. it literally scared me to pieces and i broke down crying, a car passing by would have thought i was crazy. i turned my car back on and started driving, and i didn't see her again but i felt like at any moment, she would walk out in front of me again. i honestly don't know what to think. i will describe her. she was wearing a faded yellow shirt, jeans, had short brown hair, and thats all i thought i saw. nothing like this has ever happened to me before. did i see a ghost? or am i just an exhausted teenager who watches too many scary movies? i don't know. but i know for sure i saw something. she just walked right in front of me, like she didn't even realize i was coming. it gives me chilly bumps right now. ahhhh i pray this never happens again...

one day

i want to record a christmas album. just for giggles. we got our long dresses today in the acapella choir i'm in today, and the boys got their tuxes. we got to sing in our apparel for the first time, and it was just magical to me. i love christmas music and the joy it brings :)

Yikes.

Christmas is 41 days away!! What deos everyone want as their gift? i'm not kidding... this is my favorite part of christmas. Other than the christmas eve service at WEAG, my favorite part of christmas is giving gifts to my friends and putting a smile on peoples faces. And christmas caroling... and feeding the homeless.. and having pastor hershamn pray over my family. I just can't wait to feel the warmth and love that these holidays bring.. I'm so excited!

it's charlies first christmas :)

hot coffee, lattes, hot chocolate! yum..

Who else is excited?!

i just wanna sing.

for the rest of my life.
that is all.

i wanna go on a roadtrip.

somewhere far far away. i don't know why, but i just want to get in a car and go. maybe to no where, i just want to go. to a place where no one knows me, to a place that the main road is made of dirt. a place where everyone hangs out at the nearest corner store. where i can not care about makeup, or cute clothes, or how my hair looks. i know this place is non existent, but maybe one day i can find a place that is similar to my dream.

and on my roadtrip, i'll be listening to this the whole way there. thanks elsbeth :)

Autumn.

You have completely and utterly stolen my heart.

I love the cold weather, and the changing of the leaves.

The chilly winds may numb my bones,

but it truly warms my heart.

I'm so happy to be able to order pumpkin spice lattes again.

November makes me happy for Christmas time.

When the gigantic tree is put up at Stony Point,

oh I cannot wait.

I love to wear my ugg boots, and my moccasins.

Walking around Richmond with my Northface zipped up,

enjoying time with amazing friends.

It makes me so happy.

being "grounded", and i think i am dying...

Please someone enlighten me on what being "grounded" means. according to allen, it means hiding my keys in his sock drawer (same hiding place since middle school), telling me i can't do anything this weekend, "unless you already invited jessica over", and then he says "no driving on sunday", and this is when donna steps in to say "oh but i don't want to drive her around then, so her punishment should be over by then."

why am i "grounded" you ask?

i get home 7 minutes late last night, because i had a little extra fellowship time at mcdonalds after church. yep.

life is funny, can't wait to see what happens when the rentals get home and see the car has magically moved.. woopsie.

on another note, has anyone ever taken advil on an empty stomach? don't do it... i legitimately feel like i'm dying, and i've taken sooo much advil i'm worried about an accidental over dose... but allen says i'm being dumb. donna of course thinks everything i do is dumb, so it's a lose lose. so goodbye to everyone just incase my addiction (lol) gets me killed.

Hope everyone had a splendid day!

my life,

is a joke. and i love it.
my friends, are my rock.

a side note, i cannot believe that a person i used to call my best friend is absolutely nothing to me now. it's not even by choice. it just kind of... happened. and i gave up trying to figure things out... i guess i just don't care anymore.

the people in my life are there because they choose me, and i choose them. if you don't want to be part of my life, that is fine.

this is really a pointless blog, so thanks for reading it if you did..

retreat,

i think it got me back on track.... i'm not perfect and i won't ever be... but God made me this way for a reason. and pulling myself away from the negativity and crap in my life, is what i intend to do. starting..... now. thank you God for finally speaking to me again, it's been a while.

i'm ready for school to start.

i feel so wierd saying that, but i'm so ready.

i suck

at maintaining this blog.
how about you just talk to me to see what i'm up to.
peace & love, BYE

at the end of april, i was at an all time high in my walk with God. then, all of a sudden, something that was so dear to me was snatched away and i feel as in my faith has been slowly drifting away. (disclaimer: don't read to far into that. it's not what you think.) i used to get so excited to go to youth group and worship God for a long time, i never wanted worship to end. but now, i've began to second guess even going to youth group. sometimes, i get my things and leave & then come back near the end, for stephen's sermon. i can't focus during worship anymore. i try. i try so hard. but i just can't. recently, i've been doing things i know i shouldn't. again, don't read too far into that. but, i know the things i do are wrong, but i keep doing them. i do things against my God, and don't even think twice. why am i doing this to myself? i know i'm young, and teenagers make mistakes. but i don't want a mistake to ruin my life. i want to be close to God again. i want to feel him moving in my heart again. i want to feel him working in my life again. why did it go away? why can't i happily praise my God anymore? i don't know what's wrong with me. i just want things to go back to the way they used to be.

ps. so sorry this is so scrambled and negative. had to get it out.

so many

i have so many things that i want to blog about... goodthings, bad things, happy things, sad things. I just don't know how to put my thoughts into words... so i just won't today. i just love my friends and my parents and i want some things to go back to how they used to be.

if i could have one thing...

i would wish for a boy to sing me this song.

what am i doing with my life

when i was a child, all i dreamed about was one day being famous and traveling the world singing in every country on every continent. 16 years of my life, this is all i wanted. all i hoped and wished for... for almost 6,000 days. and since i was 10, i had been planning on going to christopher newport university when i graduated high school, to major in musical theatre. i thought i was sure that this is what i wanted to do. but over the past few months.. i've been second guessing myself on all these dreams. like, how are these dreams even possible. i will never be able to do the things i want to do. the dreams that i have for myself, i can't imagine actually fulfilling them. because that's all they are.. dreams. not reality. i need to stop these dreams.. it's just not logical. and don't get me wrong, i'm not second guessing the "talent" i have, i just know i will never be a famous anything. it just won't happen. BUT i'll also let you know, that i won't end up as a cashier at mcdonalds...... God has another plan for me. i know he does. somewhere..

well,

i've been legally licensed for almost 48 hours, and have driven no where. hm. i need to get off these drugs i guess. mom won't let me drive til i "detox and sober up." haha, she's a little crazy. btw, wisdom teeth are gone, and i've had a suprisingly pleasant recovery. goodnight all!

summmer nights

Today was just, great! I woke up, got ready and then went to see Sarah Shaw today. I was so happy to see my sweet friend for the first time in a while (like a week...) We ran some errands, then went to Carytown to walk around. We ran into Elizabeth & Kim, had to hold our breath because it smelled like sewage, and got 69 cent ice cream cones from Mcdonalds. It was great... so then we went to the mall to walk around for a little, then went back to her house for a little. Soon after, daddy came and picked me and Tim up and we headed over to bible study (only to arrive 45 minutes late. Woops.) Bible study was great, much more crowded than last week, but Joni did wonderfully, as usual :). After bible study, we all argued about what we would do after. Most of my friends went to belle isle... to get rained on. Ellory, Tim, and me went to Devin's to watch the bachelor with Dev, Gabe, and Sarah. That was awesome... i was on the verge of tears when she sent Kirk home. So then, me and tim had a loud fight about who would sit in the front on the way home. Being the good friend I am, i surrendered and sat in the back. Just to keep the peace... So me and el dropped him off, then went back to my house and had some good conversation & i got alot off my chest that needed to be removed. Ellory left about 5 minutes ago... and now i am sitting here. I should go to bed, but I'm just not tired.. but i'm happy. Summer's just getting better. And in 4 days when i have my lisence..... I just can't wait!!! Love yall :)

Isn't he cute? I want one...

Come down from your tower, please.

or stay up there & shut up

Summer.

Ah, sweet summertime. A time to have fun, hang with friends, and catch up on some rest. For the past week since I've been home from choir tour, i've been going going going non stop. So today, i just took some time for myself, stayed home, watched america's next top model all day, and just relaxed. Now normally, i would be quite annoyed with myself and "bored." But today, i was happy to be able to just relax and spend some time alone. I do love my friends, and I do love being with them all the time, but i am glad i decided to just take some time off from my crazy scheduale, and breathe. But, tomorrow is another day... starting early & ending late. But good news is, I get my lisence in exactly one week. Oh i cannot wait.... I've waited so long. :)

[Hope everyone had a great saturday!]

choir tour '10.

i learned so much, made some great lifelong friends, and had a great time. pictures to come later.

ke$ha or lady gaga?

gaga, never ceases to amaze.
ke$ha... yeah. never ceases to amaze.

so... who is more entertaining to you? hahahah

choir tour is only a few short days away (4), and i am beyond ready. i cannot wait to get away. to maybe change people's lives... to sing to people who may have never heard God's word before. and to just spend time with some great friends God has blessed me with. i really am super excited!

but for the rest of the week..... i need rest. :)

Happy Monday!

society today.

i hate it. why must girls be tortured to death about the way they look? why do magazines only put in stick thin gorgeous models. it makes everyone think, oh that's what i'm supposed to look like. and then girls go through hell trying to make themselves be "perfect." why can't every person realize there is no such thing as "perfect." not only do girls see the "perfect" girls in the magazines, boys see the pictures and think that's what their girlfriend is supposed to look like. and if their significant other is not like the girls in the magazines, then that girl isn't good enough for him. what kind of society is this? why do girls put themselves through the crap. nobody deserves to be told they aren't good enough for someone else. it's wrong.
i wish that there were more plus size models, actresses, singers, and dancers in this world to prove to everyone that just because we're bigger, doesn't mean we can do what we want to in life.
God made every girl and boy the way he wanted them to be. It's not like he was in the process and he messed up. God thinks you're perfect. God thinks i'm perfect. And no one in this world can ever judge me, except my father in heaven.
Just a thought for today.

(Happy Tuesday)

wow.

so... right now i have this amazing feeling all inside me... like i cant stop smiling, i have butterflies, and im too hyper to sleep... if the rest of tmy summer is this good... woo i am gonna be on cloud 9 for the rest of my life. gotta thank jesus, and heather for her suggestion to read ecclesiastes. amazing stuff.. thank you :)

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT REST OF THE WEEKEND :)

ps.. wouldn't that be a cute tattoo? maybe? :)

happiness

is possible. and i know when i feel it, and when i dont. now i know what i need to do. stephen poore your sermon was perfect last night. thank you.

i wish i had been taking notes... or got it recorded.


well... this is what my bed looked like when i woke up this morning. crazy dreams last night? ugh. dear God please give me peace and rest. oh and thanks for pretty days and moments for relaxation.

tomorrows friday........ thanks JESUS!

thoughts, feelings, and some random words.

friend (noun)- a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

A friend is someone who doesn't screen your calls. He/She is also someone who tries to stay in touch despite an infathomable distance between you and him/her. A person who would never intentionally hurt you, lie to you, deceive you, manipulate you, abuse you and who takes great care to be kind to you, honest with you, dependable and loyal. Someone who you trust without question because they have never given you any reason not to trust them. Someone you enjoy being around and look forward to seeing.
A real friend is someone who: a)it's okay to fart in front of. b)you don't mind talking to on the bus for atleast 20 minutes. c)can borrow $5 and never has to pay it back d)you'll actually call up do stuff.

(all definitions from here.)

i am thankful for the friends i have who stick by me through anything. and i am ready to move on from the people that are not real "friends."
recently, there's been a certain friend of mine who used to fit those descriptions perfectly. but recently, she's been doing all the opposite. i have put so much effort into trying to get her back in my life, (for crying out loud, we've been friends for 10 years), and she has put little to no effort in fixing things. so why should i be straining and stressing about it anymore? if she doesn't care anymore.. why should i? i have plenty of new friends that care about me... right? whether they're using me to get to one of my friends, i don't care. atleast they talk to me and hangout with me. i don't even know why i'm blogging about this. i'm so sorry to everyone that i never write anything positive anymore.
the friendship that i'm losing right now, it means a whole lot to me. she was my best friend and confidant for over half my life. i just want closure. like, what did i do to deserve this? we aren't in middle school anymore, and i want answers. not ignored phone calls and flaky plans. thats why i just want to give up.

but let's be posi for a lil bit..... :)
THANKYOU to all of yall that truly care about me, and are such great awesome people. i look up to every one of you, and truly love you guys, my friends. you're all beautiful and just good people. God really blessed me when he sent my family to west end assembly of God. i'm happy that i'm involved in such a great youth group with people like you guys. so thanks for being great :)

let's make this longer why dont we... haha!
last night was my final chorus concert of the year. tears were shed, laughs echoed all around, and we put on an amazing show. i love my girls SO much and i'm going to miss every single one of the seniors. and after the concert, all of us headed to fridays for some yummy food, i got macaroni :) haha, and we all had the best time. i'm so glad i finally fit in somewhere, and have such great friends at school. thank God for showchoir!!

WELLLL, HAPPY SATURDAY YALL. it's pretty out, enjoy the day :)

friday :)

today is friday! and tonight is my last chorus concert ever with my showchoir girls... (until next year of course), but i am sad to see my senior friends leaving. i love all my friends so dearly, and next year wont be the same without them! but i know they are all excited to go off to college and get on with their lives. well tonight will be very emotional and exciting, so i'm ready. letsss go

no, we cannot pretend that airplanes are shooting stars.

first. i want a husband... now.

i'm patiently waiting though :)

second, i love my best friend.

one of the realest people right now.

third, i want to go back to the beach.

it's so beautiful.

and fourth, i'm so glad i got to hang out with my dad today. i got alot of anger & frustration out.. and my mood feels alot lighter. i love him. and he took me shopping.. so that might have helped a little too. thanks for being my best friend allen.

i don't know what i feel anymore. i feel.. numb. i'm not depressed... and i'm not "happy." there are days when i am so happy, i think that there is no way life could get better.... then the next day. everything crumbles to pieces. little, miniscule pieces that cannot be fixed. i love my friends. my real, genuine friends. there are people who pretend to be my friends, and they are completely insignificant. i can't wait to grow up, graduate, and get the hell out of this city. i want to pursue my life elsewhere. richmond is not where i belong. i love my church, and the few friends that i do have. but everyone else... i can't bear it anymore. i'm tired of holding in my thoughts and not being able to express myself fully. so i've decided to completely let my guard down, and see how many friends i'll have after that. see if the friends that i do have, will stick by me. this isn't meant to be like i'm saying i don't love/appreciate the people i know. i genuinely love all of my friends, even the aquaintences. but the fake, two faced female dogs walking around my school, i cannot wait to get away from that.

well on a lighter note, i am excited for choir tour. a week away from richmond, with a few of the greatest people i know, is going to be awesome. it will be another chance to spread my wings and meet new people. and it's going to be an awesome experience ministering to people who come to see us perform. if we can save atleast one person... it would be incredible. well. i'm gonna go now, it's the weekend. thank you God.

mondays

why do they exist.
i am ready for summer.
adventures, beach, tanning, friends, kings dominion, more friends, no makeup, sleeping all day, chilling all night, swimming, running around richmond, traveling to new places, girl time, boy time, bonfires, parties, i won't want it to end.
but then school starts again

i wanna be a billionaire.....

ahhhh this is my favorite song. as awkward as the "freakin" sounds, it's better than the F word :)

i absolutely love

my friends. i have no idea where i'd be without them. they bring the smile to my face everyday. thanks guys :)

i need

anger management classes. seriously. i'm losing my mind.

i'm realizing this more and more everyday. i am so socially retarted. people may not believe this, but i'm one of the most awkward people you'll ever meet. i'm always nervous that someone is judging me, or looking at me funny. and 9 out of 10 times, they are. you may think that because i'm loud and obnoxious, i don't have a problem talking to people. but i do. i have a hard time opening up to people, like truly opening up to people. and i know i blog and tweet about things i need to complain about all the time, but that's nothing compared to the crazy things running around in my head. this isn't supposed to be a depressing blog, just something i've realized about myself. it's pretty funny actually.

hope everyone had a splendid day!

blogging from the beach..

hello world! i missy you but.... its so pretty here.. ps. no make up & not naked. promiseeee love yall

haaay

new outlook, God put me here for a reason. i'm gonna find it, embrace it, and love it. i'm excited to see whats going to happen next. and i promise to be happier on here. i guess for a while i looked at this blog as a place to complain. but... not anymore. (well atleast 3 out of 4 posts will be happier!) promise :)

...?

what am i doing wrong? why does she get the upper hand?
i know the only reason i have so many friends is because of her.
am i jealous? yeah. i am. and i admit it.
she's funnier, prettier, and obviously has a better personality.
but why should i care? i shouldn't.

i'll stop talking about it. i'm just tired of knowing the things that i know.
i need sleep

sundays :)

they are the best. today was a beautiful day, but silly me didn't check the weather, so i had no idea, until i went outside to leave for church. didn't have time to changa, oh well! but anyway, i went to church & enjoyed a lovely service, then went out to lunch/adventures with mary, lorraine, sarah, lindsey, and gavin. after some crazy reckless driving and blasting "hey soul sister" down pump road, we ended our adventures with coldstone ice cream. (which was packed, by the way) but today was good :)

inppropriate? too bad :)

i'm just a silly girl with a silly little crush.. hahaha

dear YOU,

i like you. and i haven't felt this way in a while.. it's a good feeling. you make me smile and laugh, and you even laugh at my stupid jokes.. which aren't funny.. ever. your sweet personality and understanding attitude amazes me. thanks for being so cool. now... marry me? okay maybe not all that yet but. i like getting to know you better.. and you make me happy. so thanks :)

TODAY: is saturday... i'm at home.. blogging cause theres nothing else to do. some would say "go outside, it's beautiful!" yes, i am aware. but i will continue to stare outside and admire it from my kitchen table, because i cannot go outside or i will die. allergies will be the death of me. and most people are getting over them, but like every other year, mine are worse at the end. everyone have a good day!! (:

baby

i miss when my baby used to be little.

:)

just a little word of encouragement after my rant. :)

.

no one has to read this i just need somewhere to go and complain. (like always.) recently, i've been just really bipolar-ish? i have a really great day one day, then the next, all i want to do is cry. i'm never encouraged anymore. i was just recently in a show at church called "anonymous." i think its the best message we've ever put out there... and so relevant to what my life is like. my best friend is the popular, beautiful, perfect girl that gets all the guys. and what am i? the goofy, funny, "happy all the time" best friend kind of girl. i'm tired of living in her shadow. i've known some people for almost 10 years now, and she meets them and in 2 weeks everyone loves her, and likes her as a person more than me. as incredibly selfish and awful this is, i wish people wouldn't shove themselves up her ass so much. what makes her so much better than me in the first place? i was told recently that "i'm always in a bad mood," and you know what? he was right. i feel completely inadequate to my peers sometimes, and i feel as if people only talk to me, becuase i have a gorgeous best friend, i can sing, or they feel sorry for me. i never used to feel this way, and don't get me wrong. this girl is amazing, i love her with every fiber of my being, i just hate how i feel that i will never measure up. alot has been on my mind recently, and i've been starting to believe that God has completely forgotten about me, if he's even up there at all. and i know he is, or i wouldn't have ever made it this far in my life. but i've had alot of struggles with that recently.. like is God there? does he hear and see me when i cry? last week at youth group, was the most amazing night for me. i finally felt the presense of God all around me. and i sobbed. not just the little welling in your eyes, but completely cried all my make up off. but yet.. i still feel like if i just dissapeared for a while, no one would even notice. i need a vacation, just a time for me to take the car, and drive to the middle of no where, sit in silence and just cry. and then blast the mulan soundtrack on the way home. well, maybe not, but whatever. i'm just tired of not feeling good enough, and the show helped me realize this a little bit more... but i'm still not entirely sure of why God placed me here yet. sorry i'm always such a downer. probably another reason why people don't like me as much as they like my perfect bestfriend. whateva, thanks for listening.

SPRING BREAK.

it's finally here and i couldn't be happier. all last week all i did was fight with my parents, and complain about school. on thursday and friday i wore the cutest springy outfits, and enjoyed the hot sun. but guess what spring break is HERE and today the plan is to go shopping with mommy since i spent the day with dadda yesterday :) ps. i love sunburn and sunglasses and shorts and BEES THAT WONT LEAVE ME THE !@$%&* ALONE.

Charlie loves the warmth and the fact that we can sit outside together instead of staying in all day now :)

well.

i haven't posted a happy, pretty smiling blog in a while. usually when i blog, i'm complaining about something. so lets not break that tradition today...

last night i promised myself i'd be pulling an all nighter. i NEEDED to finish my english project, which i've procrastinated so long for. well, i made a fresh pot of coffee, and got to working. (start time: 11 o clock.) Now mind you, I am reading pride and Prejudice. It is like 500ish pages, and i was on page 46. The object of the project is to journal every week on what you have read. I had only written 2 journals, and they were both complete BS. (oh well.) SO I did 2 more COMPLETELY LEGIT journals, and it was now 1AM. My father Allen decides to come in my room and make me go to bed. So I pretend to fall asleep, then wake myself back up so i can finish. I drank another cup of coffee, and started reading more. i finished another journal, and it was 3 IN THE MORNING. I start another chapter. Next thing I know, my flustered mother is in my room telling me I missed my bus, and i have no ride to school. COOL. So I throw on a sweatshirt, throw my hair up, grab my crap, and run to a neighbors house to see if i could catch a ride with them. Luckily, I made it to school. But guess what. i still have 5 unfinished journals. so i get to english, and i don't turn it in. Then, at the end of the day, I missed the bus again because of my psycho screaming math teacher. Awesome.

But I mean, other than all that nonsense, I had a pretty good day. :)

what a beautiful day.

really, i love this time of year. spring has always been my favorite. the flowers are blooming, the birds are chirping, and it's the perfect temperature.

i'm turning 16 in 23 days. daddy bought me an early birthday gift. :)

her name is swifty. (yes after taylor swift) as in YES i will be playing just as good as t.swift soon. :) this is honestly the prettiest guitar i've ever purchased, even though it's the ONLY one i've ever purchased. i'm in love with it. i unzip her case everyday just to look at her. i'm taking lessons so i will soon be able to play her everyday :) i'm so excited! the design is beautiful. it has a cute little bird with a bunch of pretty little leaves and vines. gorgeous.

*a BIG thankyou to Brian Medas. He gave me a discount because of his beautiful daughter Nikki. Whom I adore. Just sayin*

(i have WAY to much animal print on my bed. obnoxious)

ahh

stress is getting to me. i have a aquired a beautiful planet on my left cheek. its just wonderful. i randomly started crying in my biology class today and i fell asleep while i was taking my english sol. the temperature in my history class was legitimately 52 degrees. today was not good. i want to sleep and go to florida and get tan. then i will be happy. is it friday yet?

a good weekend.

these are just a few of my faves :)

well, the weekend is over and i have left it with a sprained ankle, (blame it on ice skating and falling out of trees..) a nice sunburn, and many freckles on my face. i love freckles. my birthday is in a month and 2 days, i will finally be sixteen! and it cant come soon enough. ice skating is seriously just wonderful. and cold. and hurts when you fall. but i dont care!

i really really love my best friend. like honestly, i could never ask for anyone better.

and we made new friends... ahaghhaha

but now monday is over and i am ready for tuesday! except i have my least favorite classes tomorrow. please praaay.

i'm so tired

of never being good enough. honestly, i can never fully satisfy anyone. it's too the point where i just don't care anymore. and thank you parental units, for making it so much easier. oh wait..?

here's a list of things i don't do right!
1. homework, grades, just school in general.
2. spend time with my puppy. really? cause i'm with him for 3 straight hours after school while your still at work? cool.
3. spending time with my parents. honestly? i live with them. i'm with them all the time. and they're supposed to be my best friends. that's what we promised.
4. i'm "too emotional." haha. daddy tells me to "shut up and go cry in my room" while he's watching 24. love you too.
5. cleaning. when i'm the one that has to clean the kitchen everyday once i put charlie back in his room.
6. i'm sure theres more. blah

i just wanna be 5 again. so much easier.

well, i hope everyone had a good day :)

well hello

i feel like i keep neglecting this blog. it's just one more thing i've started and i'm not commited to finishing. that happens alot for me. like, this whole homework/school thing. its not workin. for my english class, i'm reading pride and predjudice. my teacher said i would enjoy it. i'm only on page 62 and i was given the assignment on january 28th. i'm supposed to be finished. it's not the books fault, its mine. i just cant concentrate. 5 pages will go by and i will have no idea what is going on, or if i've been reading the same line over and over again. in my history class, mr harrington doesnt like me. its not just my insecurity saying that. he truly doesnt. apparently my personality is too "in your face." sorrrry? and dont even get me started on my math teacher. i pretty much want to punch her in the face. everyday. i actually like my spanish teacher now, mr. quintero loves me hahaha. anyway so the ONLY reason i'm still enrolled at clover hill high school is because i have a beautiful little thing called showchoir. without it, i'd be a dropout. honestlyyy. & thats why i keep my 3.8 GPA! well anyway. my mind will be so at ease when i get my spring break!! and summmer(: i cant wait. hope everyone had a great day! PS sooooo excited for SEEK tonight. :)

I don't think our group has ever been this excited before. We screamed, we cried, we jumped, we hugged, we ran. The rest of the audience must have all thought we were on crack. we didn't mind. Iridescence 2009-2010 Grand Champions in the womens division & 3rd runner up in Overall Ratings. Awesome weekend down in Nashville, Tennessee. :)

hey y'all!

haha i haven't blogged in FOREVER. sorry. well i'm home sick :) because the past 2 AMAZING weekends have seriously drained me. but i don't care. last weekend was retreat -Thanks God! this weekend i went to nashville tennessee for a showchoir competition, and yeaaah we got GRAND CHAMPIONS BABY. pictures to come later. promise. <- this blog sounds so childish, but oh well luffff yalllll byeee

:)

scary right? i love it :)

i have a new outlook on everything. it's good :) everythings going to be fine cause I finally gave it up to God. and since he's the only one who truly knows whats best for me, i'll be listening for him more often. retreat is this weekend. i'm verrry excited. i think it's going to be wonderful. i'm excited to get fully reaquainted with Jesus and see what he has planned next for me! tomorrow can't come soon enough! but... i hate packing. me and jess made reallly pretty packing lists, haha, but actually getting everything together is not something i look forward to. oh well! how's everyone's day been?!

don't read this.

so hey. i don't really know how to say this to you. but here goes. why do you do the same thing to me over and over again. you play me like i'm some fool, and i'm not. you must think i'm completely stupid. well i'm not. how could you put me through the same thing over and over again. i gave up everything for you. including a really great friend of mine whom i cared very deeply for. and now he has moved on to bigger and better things, and i am left here. i made this decision on my own. but i thought i could trust you this time. i thought things would be different. you tell me you've changed, but here you are. proving me wrong like i knew you would. so why do i waste my time giving you ten second chances? why do i do this to myself. we're young. and i know we're immature but honestly. i don't know why i waste my breath and waste my time. i used to think i could never get better than you, and then i did. and i gave him up. for you. because i thought things were different. and here we are. right back where we started. you act like it doesn't matter. like i have no feelings, and like you don't care when i cry. and yes, i do cry sometimes. i want to change things i want to go back in time and change all the decisions i've made but i can't. i let them all happen and i can't change it. in all honesty, it's all my fault. isn't it? i surely know you think it is. so why even bother trying to fix things with you. i want to be done. i want to move on. but i always find myself going back to you. i dont want to. i want to be done. i don't know why i torture myself. i want to be done with you. but i never can. ever. but i'll have you know, one day, i won't be here. i'll be long gone, and i won't turn back around for you. one day you will see.

trends

here i go, following another one. ask me anything.

http://www.formspring.me/m1ssybr0wn

i am sooo excited for this weekend. i really need it.

weekend,

was awesome. i went to see dear john with jess. i really want to find my "john" in the world. where is he? anyway, i'm tired and i feel sickly so i'm going to take some aleve and go read or something. school tomorrow? honestly.. i hope not.

love it

so last night's youth group has been the best it's been in a long long while. the 1822 band led amazing worship, and i seriously could have just stood there and listened and been completely satisfied. but i sang along, they did 2 of my favorite songs, which was awesome. great prayer and lesson, thanks stephen. you da bestt. anyway, it was great. and i got to see friends i havent seen in a long time. i was really hyper after youth group, so me and jessi went and got ice cream. yes. in the snow. it was awesome. for anyone who doesn't know, jessica butz is my absolute best friend. just throwin that out there :) on the way home, we had some Jesus talk, which led to boy talk, which led to What Jesus wants me to do with this boy talk... that was the best. I had a complete realization last night during Stephen's sermon, and I can't really explain it.. but I feel 110% better about my sitchiiation. <- WHat kinda word is that.

WELL i had to go back to school today, Ew. And i should be doing homework right now... but look where I ended up. Tehe.

Hey everyone, listen to this song "Forever and Almost Always" by Kate Voegele. Then you shall understand how my lifes been for like the past 2 years :)

DEAR JOHN COMES OUT TOMORROW.. AND I AM TOO PUMPED.

i missed you blogworld.

i have been gone so long. i haven't been on a computer since friday? i think. well anyway, the snow is here and is making my life wonderful because i haven't had school all week, and there's no school tomorrow :) life is fun. this is what my life's consisted of during my snowy vacation :)

this is what i woke up to at 7:42 on saturday morning :)

these are my friends lindsey and lori. we were attached at the hip until sunday night.

this is charlie. he absolutely loves the snow. even though he has to hop instead of walk.

my friend katie and me ready to sled.

we've been best friends since elementary school.


then i migrated to sarah shaw's house.

tim and i built an igloo. haha

charlie absolutely loves snow and never wants to go inside.

well this was my weekend/ week. how was yours?