baby

i miss when my baby used to be little.

:)

just a little word of encouragement after my rant. :)

.

no one has to read this i just need somewhere to go and complain. (like always.) recently, i've been just really bipolar-ish? i have a really great day one day, then the next, all i want to do is cry. i'm never encouraged anymore. i was just recently in a show at church called "anonymous." i think its the best message we've ever put out there... and so relevant to what my life is like. my best friend is the popular, beautiful, perfect girl that gets all the guys. and what am i? the goofy, funny, "happy all the time" best friend kind of girl. i'm tired of living in her shadow. i've known some people for almost 10 years now, and she meets them and in 2 weeks everyone loves her, and likes her as a person more than me. as incredibly selfish and awful this is, i wish people wouldn't shove themselves up her ass so much. what makes her so much better than me in the first place? i was told recently that "i'm always in a bad mood," and you know what? he was right. i feel completely inadequate to my peers sometimes, and i feel as if people only talk to me, becuase i have a gorgeous best friend, i can sing, or they feel sorry for me. i never used to feel this way, and don't get me wrong. this girl is amazing, i love her with every fiber of my being, i just hate how i feel that i will never measure up. alot has been on my mind recently, and i've been starting to believe that God has completely forgotten about me, if he's even up there at all. and i know he is, or i wouldn't have ever made it this far in my life. but i've had alot of struggles with that recently.. like is God there? does he hear and see me when i cry? last week at youth group, was the most amazing night for me. i finally felt the presense of God all around me. and i sobbed. not just the little welling in your eyes, but completely cried all my make up off. but yet.. i still feel like if i just dissapeared for a while, no one would even notice. i need a vacation, just a time for me to take the car, and drive to the middle of no where, sit in silence and just cry. and then blast the mulan soundtrack on the way home. well, maybe not, but whatever. i'm just tired of not feeling good enough, and the show helped me realize this a little bit more... but i'm still not entirely sure of why God placed me here yet. sorry i'm always such a downer. probably another reason why people don't like me as much as they like my perfect bestfriend. whateva, thanks for listening.

SPRING BREAK.

it's finally here and i couldn't be happier. all last week all i did was fight with my parents, and complain about school. on thursday and friday i wore the cutest springy outfits, and enjoyed the hot sun. but guess what spring break is HERE and today the plan is to go shopping with mommy since i spent the day with dadda yesterday :) ps. i love sunburn and sunglasses and shorts and BEES THAT WONT LEAVE ME THE !@$%&* ALONE.

Charlie loves the warmth and the fact that we can sit outside together instead of staying in all day now :)