i don't know what i feel anymore. i feel.. numb. i'm not depressed... and i'm not "happy." there are days when i am so happy, i think that there is no way life could get better.... then the next day. everything crumbles to pieces. little, miniscule pieces that cannot be fixed. i love my friends. my real, genuine friends. there are people who pretend to be my friends, and they are completely insignificant. i can't wait to grow up, graduate, and get the hell out of this city. i want to pursue my life elsewhere. richmond is not where i belong. i love my church, and the few friends that i do have. but everyone else... i can't bear it anymore. i'm tired of holding in my thoughts and not being able to express myself fully. so i've decided to completely let my guard down, and see how many friends i'll have after that. see if the friends that i do have, will stick by me. this isn't meant to be like i'm saying i don't love/appreciate the people i know. i genuinely love all of my friends, even the aquaintences. but the fake, two faced female dogs walking around my school, i cannot wait to get away from that.

well on a lighter note, i am excited for choir tour. a week away from richmond, with a few of the greatest people i know, is going to be awesome. it will be another chance to spread my wings and meet new people. and it's going to be an awesome experience ministering to people who come to see us perform. if we can save atleast one person... it would be incredible. well. i'm gonna go now, it's the weekend. thank you God.