at the end of april, i was at an all time high in my walk with God. then, all of a sudden, something that was so dear to me was snatched away and i feel as in my faith has been slowly drifting away. (disclaimer: don't read to far into that. it's not what you think.) i used to get so excited to go to youth group and worship God for a long time, i never wanted worship to end. but now, i've began to second guess even going to youth group. sometimes, i get my things and leave & then come back near the end, for stephen's sermon. i can't focus during worship anymore. i try. i try so hard. but i just can't. recently, i've been doing things i know i shouldn't. again, don't read too far into that. but, i know the things i do are wrong, but i keep doing them. i do things against my God, and don't even think twice. why am i doing this to myself? i know i'm young, and teenagers make mistakes. but i don't want a mistake to ruin my life. i want to be close to God again. i want to feel him moving in my heart again. i want to feel him working in my life again. why did it go away? why can't i happily praise my God anymore? i don't know what's wrong with me. i just want things to go back to the way they used to be.

ps. so sorry this is so scrambled and negative. had to get it out.