swimming in an ocean of mixed emotions at the moment.

i don't know how many of you know this about me, but for the past 4 years i've been desperately searching facebook to see if my brother has one. i would literally search his name every 2 weeks, wishing that i would see his face. well today, i searched his name, and i found him. i finally found my brother on facebook. i have always wanted to find him... but now that i finally did. what am i supposed to do? send him a message that says. "oh hey i know we haven't talked in 9 years but i'm your sister!!" heck no. and i can't randomly add him. no no no i never expected to actually find him. what kept me going was the thrill of the chase.. but now that i've finally achieved what i was waiting for... i have no idea what to do. i learned some things about him though, obviously i had to stalk a little bit to see if he's changed. well, he has a daughter (which i knew, i just haven't met her yet.) But i learned something about him that he swore would NEVER happen. He got married in May. a whole 7 months ago, and no one had the decensy to tell my father. Allen doesn't even know yet. I'm scared to tell him. But what you all may not know about my brother is that he has been against marriage for as long as i can remmeber. he told my dad he would never get married or have children. And he did both. Another thing about him, he looks EXACTLY like my dad. Bald head and everything. I also found his wife, she's goregous. Then I thought, maybe I should message her, she looks sweet! But i can't do that either. Like if i randomly got a message from some high school girl saying that she was related to my husband, i don't know what i'd do. This is alol just too much for me right now. I'm stressing myself out for no reason i just don't know what to do. I wanna talk to my mom but she's in lynchburg with her sisters, and my dad is out of town with his band. I just wish i had never started my search for Ryan. Because now that I found him, i don't even want it anymore.