baby

i miss when my baby used to be little.

:)

just a little word of encouragement after my rant. :)

.

no one has to read this i just need somewhere to go and complain. (like always.) recently, i've been just really bipolar-ish? i have a really great day one day, then the next, all i want to do is cry. i'm never encouraged anymore. i was just recently in a show at church called "anonymous." i think its the best message we've ever put out there... and so relevant to what my life is like. my best friend is the popular, beautiful, perfect girl that gets all the guys. and what am i? the goofy, funny, "happy all the time" best friend kind of girl. i'm tired of living in her shadow. i've known some people for almost 10 years now, and she meets them and in 2 weeks everyone loves her, and likes her as a person more than me. as incredibly selfish and awful this is, i wish people wouldn't shove themselves up her ass so much. what makes her so much better than me in the first place? i was told recently that "i'm always in a bad mood," and you know what? he was right. i feel completely inadequate to my peers sometimes, and i feel as if people only talk to me, becuase i have a gorgeous best friend, i can sing, or they feel sorry for me. i never used to feel this way, and don't get me wrong. this girl is amazing, i love her with every fiber of my being, i just hate how i feel that i will never measure up. alot has been on my mind recently, and i've been starting to believe that God has completely forgotten about me, if he's even up there at all. and i know he is, or i wouldn't have ever made it this far in my life. but i've had alot of struggles with that recently.. like is God there? does he hear and see me when i cry? last week at youth group, was the most amazing night for me. i finally felt the presense of God all around me. and i sobbed. not just the little welling in your eyes, but completely cried all my make up off. but yet.. i still feel like if i just dissapeared for a while, no one would even notice. i need a vacation, just a time for me to take the car, and drive to the middle of no where, sit in silence and just cry. and then blast the mulan soundtrack on the way home. well, maybe not, but whatever. i'm just tired of not feeling good enough, and the show helped me realize this a little bit more... but i'm still not entirely sure of why God placed me here yet. sorry i'm always such a downer. probably another reason why people don't like me as much as they like my perfect bestfriend. whateva, thanks for listening.

SPRING BREAK.

it's finally here and i couldn't be happier. all last week all i did was fight with my parents, and complain about school. on thursday and friday i wore the cutest springy outfits, and enjoyed the hot sun. but guess what spring break is HERE and today the plan is to go shopping with mommy since i spent the day with dadda yesterday :) ps. i love sunburn and sunglasses and shorts and BEES THAT WONT LEAVE ME THE !@$%&* ALONE.

Charlie loves the warmth and the fact that we can sit outside together instead of staying in all day now :)

well.

i haven't posted a happy, pretty smiling blog in a while. usually when i blog, i'm complaining about something. so lets not break that tradition today...

last night i promised myself i'd be pulling an all nighter. i NEEDED to finish my english project, which i've procrastinated so long for. well, i made a fresh pot of coffee, and got to working. (start time: 11 o clock.) Now mind you, I am reading pride and Prejudice. It is like 500ish pages, and i was on page 46. The object of the project is to journal every week on what you have read. I had only written 2 journals, and they were both complete BS. (oh well.) SO I did 2 more COMPLETELY LEGIT journals, and it was now 1AM. My father Allen decides to come in my room and make me go to bed. So I pretend to fall asleep, then wake myself back up so i can finish. I drank another cup of coffee, and started reading more. i finished another journal, and it was 3 IN THE MORNING. I start another chapter. Next thing I know, my flustered mother is in my room telling me I missed my bus, and i have no ride to school. COOL. So I throw on a sweatshirt, throw my hair up, grab my crap, and run to a neighbors house to see if i could catch a ride with them. Luckily, I made it to school. But guess what. i still have 5 unfinished journals. so i get to english, and i don't turn it in. Then, at the end of the day, I missed the bus again because of my psycho screaming math teacher. Awesome.

But I mean, other than all that nonsense, I had a pretty good day. :)

what a beautiful day.

really, i love this time of year. spring has always been my favorite. the flowers are blooming, the birds are chirping, and it's the perfect temperature.

i'm turning 16 in 23 days. daddy bought me an early birthday gift. :)

her name is swifty. (yes after taylor swift) as in YES i will be playing just as good as t.swift soon. :) this is honestly the prettiest guitar i've ever purchased, even though it's the ONLY one i've ever purchased. i'm in love with it. i unzip her case everyday just to look at her. i'm taking lessons so i will soon be able to play her everyday :) i'm so excited! the design is beautiful. it has a cute little bird with a bunch of pretty little leaves and vines. gorgeous.

*a BIG thankyou to Brian Medas. He gave me a discount because of his beautiful daughter Nikki. Whom I adore. Just sayin*

(i have WAY to much animal print on my bed. obnoxious)

ahh

stress is getting to me. i have a aquired a beautiful planet on my left cheek. its just wonderful. i randomly started crying in my biology class today and i fell asleep while i was taking my english sol. the temperature in my history class was legitimately 52 degrees. today was not good. i want to sleep and go to florida and get tan. then i will be happy. is it friday yet?