oh hey.

Oh hey.. I miss this blog. I don't really know what to say. My life is completely different, and I'm a completely different person. But I'm happier than I've ever been. And that's all. :)

Well. Bye bye jeep. I love you even though you blew up on 288 at night. I guess it wasn't your fault.. it was like watching them towaway my best friend..

swimming in an ocean of mixed emotions at the moment.

i don't know how many of you know this about me, but for the past 4 years i've been desperately searching facebook to see if my brother has one. i would literally search his name every 2 weeks, wishing that i would see his face. well today, i searched his name, and i found him. i finally found my brother on facebook. i have always wanted to find him... but now that i finally did. what am i supposed to do? send him a message that says. "oh hey i know we haven't talked in 9 years but i'm your sister!!" heck no. and i can't randomly add him. no no no i never expected to actually find him. what kept me going was the thrill of the chase.. but now that i've finally achieved what i was waiting for... i have no idea what to do. i learned some things about him though, obviously i had to stalk a little bit to see if he's changed. well, he has a daughter (which i knew, i just haven't met her yet.) But i learned something about him that he swore would NEVER happen. He got married in May. a whole 7 months ago, and no one had the decensy to tell my father. Allen doesn't even know yet. I'm scared to tell him. But what you all may not know about my brother is that he has been against marriage for as long as i can remmeber. he told my dad he would never get married or have children. And he did both. Another thing about him, he looks EXACTLY like my dad. Bald head and everything. I also found his wife, she's goregous. Then I thought, maybe I should message her, she looks sweet! But i can't do that either. Like if i randomly got a message from some high school girl saying that she was related to my husband, i don't know what i'd do. This is alol just too much for me right now. I'm stressing myself out for no reason i just don't know what to do. I wanna talk to my mom but she's in lynchburg with her sisters, and my dad is out of town with his band. I just wish i had never started my search for Ryan. Because now that I found him, i don't even want it anymore.

ding dong ding dong...

well winter chorus festivals and concerts are officially over. i am kind of sad because it was my best friend's last winter concert with me. :( yikes my seniors are leaving so soon it feels like.. but ANYWAY, i love my chorus family! i wish i had pictures but i'm dumb and forgot my camera.... yeaah. i have so many things to talk about but i am so sleepy.

oh hey

GCN is going well. making new friends and just relaxing, i'm enjoying every second of it. i love my elmo suit as well... theres not much really to say except for that i find the most comfort in telling my secrets to an 8th grader at the moment, haha. well love you all but we are decorating the tree tonight :)

the craziest thing...

tonight, after i brought my sweet ashley home, i stayed for 2 hours extra to hangout with jessica and to catch up on life. then at around 9ish i decided i should probably leave. and the road from their house to mine is very windy and narrow, so i always drive slow and use my brights. well as i made one of the sharp turns, i SWEAR i saw a girl walk out in front of my car. mind you, i was only going about 30 mph, so i slammed my brakes, legitimately afraid i had just hit a human being. immediately i started to panic. now this may sound dumb to you, but i got out of my car and looked around, but the girl was gone. or there was no girl at all. i am a strong believer in Jesus Christ, so I don't know my view on ghosts or spirits or whatever else, but i can guarentee this girl was not just a figment of my imagination. it literally scared me to pieces and i broke down crying, a car passing by would have thought i was crazy. i turned my car back on and started driving, and i didn't see her again but i felt like at any moment, she would walk out in front of me again. i honestly don't know what to think. i will describe her. she was wearing a faded yellow shirt, jeans, had short brown hair, and thats all i thought i saw. nothing like this has ever happened to me before. did i see a ghost? or am i just an exhausted teenager who watches too many scary movies? i don't know. but i know for sure i saw something. she just walked right in front of me, like she didn't even realize i was coming. it gives me chilly bumps right now. ahhhh i pray this never happens again...

one day

i want to record a christmas album. just for giggles. we got our long dresses today in the acapella choir i'm in today, and the boys got their tuxes. we got to sing in our apparel for the first time, and it was just magical to me. i love christmas music and the joy it brings :)